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Yet another victim of toxic adhesives and a solemn reminder as to why we all switched to e-mail in the first place.

Hunger. Hunger for the salty sea air and the briney taste of seawater that surrounds fresh prey. Hunger.

Ooh ooh ah ah?

Father figure. Domestic patriarch. Pops.

It's rude to stare, even if you're from a galaxy far, far away.

One ill-fated bike ride away from his prime. To be fair, it would have been really hard to find a helmet with his head shape.

Haunted by a gluten allergy that was diagnosed until recent. Unbeknownst for years while living on garlic bread.

Thanks again, Davey... for everything.

Named himself after the very thing that killed everyone he knew, so he'll always count his blessings.

Yarn is by far much more rare than Gems. It's the primary currency for bribing the Cat Guards for new weapons, but of course can be traded for anything.

Crikey and Arnold were found on a life raft in the middle of the ocean. Close to starvation these two found a home aboard the SS Friendship.

A well-groomed beard is enough to keep John-Paul happy. Though he feels Franklin is biting on his style a bit.

Market price: ~0.01 USD

Charges way too much an hour to sleep on your couch.

Gems are collected throughout BattleBlock Theater. They are the primary currency for freeing new Prisoners when in the game, but of course can be traded for anything.

Market price: ~0.27 USD

Market price: ~0.03 USD

Market price: ~0.01 USD

Market price: ~0.01 USD

Once lost in the dreamstream only to be discovered in the forefront of your dream teams.

When you're flashing this much ivory, it's not a bad idea to hire a lookout.

This man is permanently less than indifferent.

Rammy evolved just in time to be locked up in BattleBlock Theater. Some ungulates have all the luck.

Commander is pointing right at a super secret escape hatch. Too bad Me can't see which way that is.

Market price: ~0.01 USD

Market price: ~0.03 USD

Market price: ~0.01 USD

Yarn is by far much more rare than Gems. It's the primary currency for bribing the Cat Guards for new weapons, but of course can be traded for anything.

Gems are collected throughout BattleBlock Theater. They are the primary currency for freeing new Prisoners when in the game, but of course can be traded for anything.

Market price: ~0.05 USD

Market price: ~0.06 USD

Market price: ~0.61 USD

Market price: ~0.08 USD

Market price: ~0.27 USD

Market price: ~0.15 USD

Sentient eyeballs are more rampant than you think. Seriously.

Not sure what brand it is, but it sucks objects toward the user. Be it projectiles or other players.

The boomerang flies out and back to its thrower. If a prisoner or cat is hit, it will be stunned for a short time. The boomerang can also be used to grab gems and yarn from afar.

This is primarily a stun weapon that will bounce around after its initial toss. The Dodgeball can also be used to jump off of.

From the family of condiments, this mixture of spices and vegetables will leave you both confused and possibly aroused.

Only the smell of fear motivates Calvin to act. And when he does... it is nothing short of glorious.

Some people pickle cucumbers. Some onions and carrots. This guy pickled his head. This is what happens when you pickle your head.

Jed will get you rich, just get him out of prison and he'll show you. You can trust him.

Of all the theaters in all the world, he had to walk into this one.

Molecular gastronomist and inventor of seaweed pie. Life on the island has elevated his creative juices only to be shackled by the tyranny of his wet food loving captors.

Market price: ~0.61 USD

It didn't catch on. It's just not toast without that little butt shape on one end.

Henrietta went on a voyage once. A voyage that lasted 19 years. Landed her in the paper and everything. She was going somewhere. Then the cats came.

Of course, he didn't know how small his brain actually was until it was too late. Now everyone just points and laughs...

Skulls are dime-a-dozen in BattleBlock Theater. You're probably standing on one right now.

Has a smartphone handy at all times. Freaks everyone out. Never diagnose yourself through the internet.

Thinker and cat lover, Aloysius is deeply saddened by the kitty uprising. Consumed by frustration he turns to etching prisoner portraits on the walls of his cell.

The taste of goodness is like chicken casserole for the soul.

Vomitous Tots only writes about himself in the third person, see? This way you don't know if someone else wrote it or Vomitous Tots wrote it, see? Keeps things a little hazy, see?

More glitz, more gravy.

Gems are collected throughout BattleBlock Theater. They are the primary currency for freeing new Prisoners when in the game, but of course can be traded for anything.

Market price: ~0.01 USD

Gems are collected throughout BattleBlock Theater. They are the primary currency for freeing new Prisoners when in the game, but of course can be traded for anything.

Market price: ~0.12 USD

Market price: ~0.12 USD

Market price: ~0.12 USD

Market price: ~0.12 USD

Market price: ~0.12 USD

Market price: ~0.12 USD

Market price: ~0.12 USD

Yarn is by far much more rare than Gems. It's the primary currency for bribing the Cat Guards for new weapons, but of course can be traded for anything.

Gems are collected throughout BattleBlock Theater. They are the primary currency for freeing new Prisoners when in the game, but of course can be traded for anything.

Don't argue with The Dad or he'll tell you what it was like when he was your age. He will also tell you to stop talking back to your mother, which is a bit creepy.

The Fan will push opponents away when used in close proximity. The Fan can also be used to deflect most weapons.

This is primarily a stun weapon that will bounce around after its initial toss. The Dodgeball can also be used to jump off of.

The boomerang flies out and back to its thrower. If a prisoner or cat is hit, it will be stunned for a short time. The boomerang can also be used to grab gems and yarn from afar.

Market price: ~0.01 USD

This remarkable piece of engineering generally flies in a straight line until it hits something. Pressing the weapon button again while in flight or while it is crumpled will cause it to explode.

Fireballs ignite opponents upon contact. While ablaze, players can touch other players (Friends and Foes) to set them on fire as well.

Quite the lady's man. Lady's men? But the only thing worse than a love triangle is a love hexagon.

Market price: ~0.03 USD

Unable to recall if he was Agent 1's exit plan or escape route, Agent 2 allowed his capture in order to ask Agent 1 directly. This plan seemingly backfired.

Market price: ~0.03 USD

Unable to recall if he was Agent 1's exit plan or escape route, Agent 2 allowed his capture in order to ask Agent 1 directly. This plan seemingly backfired.

Market price: ~0.03 USD

Unable to recall if he was Agent 1's exit plan or escape route, Agent 2 allowed his capture in order to ask Agent 1 directly. This plan seemingly backfired.

Market price: ~0.03 USD

Unable to recall if he was Agent 1's exit plan or escape route, Agent 2 allowed his capture in order to ask Agent 1 directly. This plan seemingly backfired.

Market price: ~0.03 USD

Unable to recall if he was Agent 1's exit plan or escape route, Agent 2 allowed his capture in order to ask Agent 1 directly. This plan seemingly backfired.

Market price: ~0.03 USD

Unable to recall if he was Agent 1's exit plan or escape route, Agent 2 allowed his capture in order to ask Agent 1 directly. This plan seemingly backfired.

Market price: ~0.03 USD

Unable to recall if he was Agent 1's exit plan or escape route, Agent 2 allowed his capture in order to ask Agent 1 directly. This plan seemingly backfired.

Market price: ~0.03 USD

Unable to recall if he was Agent 1's exit plan or escape route, Agent 2 allowed his capture in order to ask Agent 1 directly. This plan seemingly backfired.

Market price: ~0.03 USD

Unable to recall if he was Agent 1's exit plan or escape route, Agent 2 allowed his capture in order to ask Agent 1 directly. This plan seemingly backfired.

Market price: ~0.03 USD

Unable to recall if he was Agent 1's exit plan or escape route, Agent 2 allowed his capture in order to ask Agent 1 directly. This plan seemingly backfired.

Market price: ~0.03 USD

Market price: ~0.03 USD

Market price: ~0.03 USD

Market price: ~0.03 USD

Market price: ~0.03 USD

Market price: ~0.03 USD

Market price: ~0.03 USD

Market price: ~0.03 USD

Market price: ~0.03 USD

Market price: ~0.03 USD

Yarn is by far much more rare than Gems. It's the primary currency for bribing the Cat Guards for new weapons, but of course can be traded for anything.